God is so good!

Jared and I have been praying for jobs, friends, church, guidance, and more since we came to Colorado. At first, it seemed as though those things would never come. I am so glad we had to wait (and are still waiting) for these things because it has taught us so much. And now this past 48 hours God has given us much of what our hearts had cried out for! So I would like to use this space to praise God for his faithfulness and love.

Lord, thank you for Jared's job. 

Thank you for the opportunity to live in a place for free. Thank you for the cars to drive and the cats to play with :)

Jesus, thank you for the new friends we made yesterday and the welcoming church we visited.

Advocate, thank you for your guidance in our lives. This may not be theologically correct, but thank you for the work you have put into our marriage.

God, thank you for the best year of my life. Thank you for such a wonderful husband. I did not believe such a man existed. I didn't know marriage could be so wonderful! Thank you for the hard times that remind us of our dependence on you. Thank you for the enormous forgiveness and patience Jared has shown me. Thank you for all the people who prayed for my future husband and those who helped he become who he is today.

Trinity, thank you for life. Thank you for breath and food and love. Thank you for creating me and never giving up on the human race.

Yours forever,

Nikki

Chick Crawl

Jared and I went to the main park in downtown Colorado Springs tonight to listen to a couple of bands play. We did listen to the music for a while, but something wonderful happened when we left the park. Originally we were just going to get something from Starbucks (our new "usual" due to the convenience of Jared's employment) and head back to the park. After ordering the drink we changed our minds and decided to walk down Tejon (main street down the city). Upon this walk we made the most wonderful discovery - the chick crawl. I'm not totally sure what this 'chick crawl' was, but it lead us to an open house at an art gallery. We went inside and the rest is history! I feel so alive right now, like the coming of spring after a long winter. There is a spring to my step and lightness in my chest. Art. Creativity. Beauty. Color. Smiles. Possibilities. (deep sigh) Oh I cannot wait to pick up a pencil or paint brush again. Although the small, dark voice inside me keeps saying art isn't my thing. I am not an artist and I never will be. They are lies!! I am an artist. I AM AN ARTIST! And I won't let fear or bordem or lies take my imagination and spirit away from me. Oh thank you Lord for Annette and Karen and all the artists we met tonight who have re-ignited a passion inside of me! I am just so happy   8-D

Morning Dew and a Sprinkler System

I can't quite explain it, but I feel a sense of peace this morning. It is close to me like the clouds are close to the mountains in the morning. I feel comforted. I think I would say I feel content :) For some reason the pressure to meet invisible standard has dissipated, and it is wonderful!

The house we're staying at has a sprinkler system that runs Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 6a-8a. The back and front yards are filled with the sound of rush water and moving sprinkler heads. The grass is not merely wet but soaked. The little blades of green can't hold all the water that is sprayed onto them.

But Tuesday and Thursdays are a different story. There is not rushing water, no soaking wet yard, no mechanic, just stillness. The yard is still and the sunshine glimmers off a wondrous thing - dew. I've never been sure where dew comes from and how it's always there, even in a desert like southern Colorado, but it comes regardless. No noise announces its arrival, but it has a certain indescribable beauty. The stillness of dew twinkling on the blades of grass is like the peace resting on me this morning.

The Same Three Words

Do you ever feel like the same ideas keep coming up during a season of your life? For me it has been the three concepts of identity, motive, and contentment. They have come up in sermons, books, conversations, and Scripture. Motive first entered my thoughts through Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. He asked a very challenging question - who are our prayer requests for? Are they for the benefit of others or are they for the benefit of ourselves? I realized I had never really thought about this before. Isn't it normal to ask for things for yourself? And yet Francis Chan points out a passage in the New Testament that says sometimes our prayers aren't answered the way we wanted them to be because we have asked with the wrong motives. Wow. This idea of motives has been very convicting to me. To put it into context in my life, one thing I have been asking God for is a job. This does not appear to be a selfish request because everybody knows making money is necessary to live, right? While having a job is a generally good thing, it can also be a crutch or an idol that we use so we don't have to trust God fully. God is God, so he doesn't need me to make money if that's not what he's calling me to do. But I would argue it is much more difficult to be patient in unemployment than to have a time-consuming job. So now when I ask God for things, I am trying to have faith-filled, other-focused motives. 

Secondly, I have been wrestling with the question of where my identity lies. This feels like a very nebulous question, but I am asking the Spirit to give me direction and conviction so that I may become more like Christ. I don't have a lot of the core things people put their identity in - work, school, friends, church, money, home, etc... So in a way, the Spirit has already answered my prayer by allowing me to go through this time of transition. I am like a buoy in the water - anchored at the bottom but still allowed to be moved by the water. God is grounding me, but life is still able to push me around. I may not be explaining that analogy very well, but it makes sense in my mind. :)

And then in all parts of life, whether they are challenging or routine, I desire contentment. If I never have a job, if I never have close friends, if I never get to live close to the family I miss, if I never have kids, if I never accomplish anything this world deems valuable, can I still know my life was worth living? Can I believe that I can glorify God without having those things? 

I take a lot of comfort in the story Matthew tells at the beginning of his gospel about Jesus. Before Jesus does all the great things he is remembered for, before he even survives the temptation of Satan, the Spirit rests on the Son as the Father audibly declares, "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased". It's like the prodigal son and Zacchaeus and the woman who committed adultery and you and me - we don't deserve it and yet God still loves us. Love really does win. And that is enough for me right in this moment here at my computer. When I get up I may not be content, but I am not going to think beyond this moment right here. Right now is good.

Learning new lessons

We have some good news to report from here - Jared has 2 job interviews in the next couple of days. They seem promising, and Jared could have a job in the near future! I am very excited for him and pray that we have discernment about what to do if one or both places offer him a job. But along with my support and excitement for Jared, I have also felt a twinge of jealousy creep in. One of the reasons it is has been a bit of a challenge to be 100%  full of joy is because these are interviews for jobs I also applied for. The lies have quickly entered my thoughts - I'm not good enough, no one wants to hire me, I'm better off just staying at home and taking care of "wifely" things. Fortunately, I have been able to recognize these thoughts as lies. I refuse to let Jared's good news to become all about me. It may take some prayer and attitude adjustment, but no one is going to stop me from supporting my husband or trusting that God is taking care of both of us! I firmly believe that I am a capable, gifted, and beautiful creation. God has a purpose for my life, and I rest on that promise.

Colorado Sunset

Jared and I went on a walk the other night and saw a gorgeous sunset. The sun had already sunk below the mountains, but the clouds still captured its rays. First the deep blues of the night sky, then the light blues of day shone as the eye traveled towards the horizon. Then the clouds, wispy and vast, were a golden orange against the fading blue sky. Finally the clouds just level with the mountain top reflected rich pinks on their bellies. The setting sun was gone, out of view, set for the night, and yet the scene which followed its ascent was breathtaking.

"But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you" (John 16:7).

Is the sun and the sunset a picture of the Son and the one he sends?

Untitled

It's been a while since I last posted. I have often thought about writing on the blog, but for some reason I haven't wanted to. We have been pretty busy since we got here - exploring the area, hanging out with family, and having friends stay with us. I could label my lack of desire to post as business, and while that is part of it, there is more. Since this is my first blog, I think I'm still unsure on how to write about life without getting too detailed or personal. All my life I have journaled, so I am familiar with writing my thoughts and reflecting on life. But this is different than journaling because anyone can read it. It will take some time for me to figure how to express myself in this new way, and to be comfortable writing things that won't fully say everything I am feeling. Words, especially words on a screen, fail to paint the whole picture. Even words spoken face to face fail to say everything. So with that in mind, I am going to do my best to write about what's going on here. If you want to know more, just let me know and I'd be happy to share! 

If you'd like to see pictures, we posted some on Facebook.

An Interesting Thought

I debated about posting this quote from Love Wins, but I figured the only people who will probably read the blog are people who know me. Regardless of your beliefs, these could be some good things to ponder. So here is a little something I read today...

"It's important that we be honest about the fact that some stories are better than others. Telling a story in which billions of people spend forever somewhere in the universe trapped in a black hole of endless torment and misery with no way out isn't a very good story. Telling a story about a God who inflicts unrelenting punishment on people because they didn't do or say or believe the correct things in a brief window of time called like isn't a very good story.

"In contrast, everybody enjoying God's good world together with no disgrace or shame, justice being served, and all the wrongs being made right is a better story. It is bigger, more loving, more expansive, more extraordinary, beautiful, and inspiring than any other story about the ultimate course history takes.

"Whatever objections a person might have to this story, and there are many, one has to admit that it is fitting, proper, and Christian to long for it. We can be honest about the warped nature of the human heart, the freedom that love requires, and the destructive choices people make, and still envision God's love to be bigger, stronger, and more compelling than all of that put together. To shun, censor, ostracize someone for holding this belief is to fail to extend grace to each other in a discussion that has had plenty of room for varied perspectives for hundreds of years now."

Beginning of a New Journey

There is a sliding glass door that leads to a small, wooden patio off the kitchen of the house. From this porch I can see the mountains, giant and peaceful. Today the weather is mild, partly cloudy with haze gently resting on the peaks. The wind is blowing the trees and wind chimes that fill the yards of this neighborhood. Birds are singing and so is a distant ice cream truck. I can't believe I'm here. And even more unbelievable is the fact that I'm going to be here for a season and a half. Summer and fall in Colorado. It almost feels like I am living someone else's life, but this is my own. I could have never imagined that one day I would be graduated from college, married, and house sitting out West - and yet here we are! I guess I hadn't really planned on going to Bethel either. And I hadn't planned on going on a missions trip with Moraine Church. And I hadn't really planned on wanting to live so close to family. I had imagined graduating with an unmasked sense of freedom - nothing tying me down. (I hadn't even considered school loans!!) In my mind's eye, I could go anywhere, with any purpose, for any amount of time. Now I realize that things I may have label "restrictive" back then, I consider a great joy now. I had the opportunity to go to a great school and I don't regret it, so the loans are merely a reminder that I must trust God to provide. I didn't think I would care about living close to my family, but now I am glad that there is a hole in my heart missing them very much. I hadn't planned on getting married so young, but now I have the unique opportunity to live these young years (and old years!) with my best friend. So I guess planning on following God's leading is the best plan to chose because he brings good out of unforeseeable (and often unexpected) circumstances. As long as God is with me on this little porch at the base of the mountains, today is a good day. I have great hope for tomorrow too.